


Sinful Bliss

by Semi_problematic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 09:19:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16037510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: "I love you.""Yeah." Dean replied, staring anywhere but Sam. This hurt a lot more than petty fighting. Sam didn't have him in any of his memories. They were all with other people, away from Dean. "Sure."





	Sinful Bliss

Their first gasps of air filled the motel room. The men who had shot them were nowhere to be found. Sam and Dean's shirts were drenched in blood and torn up, the bullets easily tearing through the cloth. They were alive, no bullet holes anywhereon them. For some reason, Dean wasn't happy about it. He was angry and mad and hurt. Staying in his heaven, the one filled with fireworks and a little brother filled with adoration sounded a lot better than this.

"Dean." Sam mumbled, tucking his hair behind his ears. Dean had been fighting a lot with Sam. Both of them were on edge, anxious. Little things threw them over the edge. "I love you."

"Yeah." Dean replied, staring anywhere but Sam. This hurt a lot more than petty fighting. Sam didn't have him in any of his memories. They were all with other people, away from Dean. "Sure."

Sam stood up, walking over and sitting down next to Dean. "I know what it looks like." Sam whispered. "But I can explai-" 

"Yeah? Why don't you tell me what it looks like?" Dean shifted away from Sam, the bed beneath them groaning. "Because I would love to know what you think right now."

"It looks like a lot of things, Dean." Sam snapped. "And I get it, you're pissed, but I had no control in any of that. That... those memories, they were not my greatest hits. They were... I don't know. But you need to trust me." Sam put his hand on Deans thigh. "My heaven would have included you. My real one." 

"Sure." Dean repeated, standing up. He shrugged his jacket off and unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off. He kicked his shoes off and undid his belt. "I'm gonna go shower and rethink this entire thing."

"Hey!" Sam shouted. "Don't be like that. Don't push this-" He pointed at himself. "Don't push us down the drain. Are you really going to let a bunch of angels ruin us?" 

Sam and Dean had been together since Sam was sixteen. They were young and in love. Even when Sam rushed off to Stanford they were in love. No matter how hard the world tried, it had yet to break them apart. No human or monster had gotten between them. Not until now. Things were okay, as okay as they could be. Despite each petty fight they still woke up and crawled into each other's beds. This was different, though. Dean believed it was fate. A painful truth that Sams best memories never included him. 

"So, you're going to blame the angels?" Dean asked, mockingly. "They just really wanted to piss me off so they made sure all of your memories were the worst nights of my life."

Sam wanted to call him dramatic, but he didn't. Dad beat Dean when he ran away. When he left for Stanford it was the worst night of his life. But Sam was never running away from Dean. He was running from the hunting, from their father. "Dean, I didn't pick those. They were good, sure, but they weren't my best moments."

"Obviously." Dean snorted, tugging his pants down. "Whatever."

"This is what they want, Dean." Sam tried to reason. He knew Dean was hurt, but now wasn't the time to split up. "I didn't-" 

"You-" Dean started. "You did this to us." His voice was wavering. Sams heart was breaking. "I mean, I first started thinking that when you went to Stanford you wanted me come but then... then things were okay again." Dean took a deep breath. "You always came back to me. Despite Jessica and Ruby and the blood-"

"I'm here." Sam whispered. "I'm right here, Dean. I want you. I love you. This is just another bump, like Ruby was, we can get through it-" He closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around Dean. "I only want you." 

"All of them!" Dean screamed, shutting Sam up. "Thanksgiving without me. Going to college without me. Running away just to get away from your own family-" Dean swallowed. "From me. All of your memories are about leaving me!" 

Deans fists slammed into Sams chest but Sam was unfazed. Sam pushed his hands away, shaking his head.

"Dean..." Sam cupped his cheek, rubbing his thumb against it. "That wasn't my heaven, I swear... just... just listen to me, okay?" He pulled Dean towards the bed, sitting down on it. Sam pulled Dean on top of him, holding him. "Any version of my heaven would have you... my best memory? It was with you. Most of them are."

"Then why weren't any of them there? Mine... mine with you and with mom were there-" Dean was babbling, his eyes wide. He only got like this when he was stressed. Things he would normally push down would come up and tear him apart. 

"My best memory..." Sam took a deep breath. "Remember when we were in that cabin in the middle of the woods? No air conditioning. Dad wasn't around." His fingers dipped beneath Deans shirt. "There was a lake."

"Yeah." Dean replied, his face blank. "But what does that have to do with any-"

"Thats my best memory..." Sam slid his hand up Deans shirt. "How good it felt to be close to you... to pretend the world was okay.." Sam kissed him softly. "The kissing, the touching... Dean, listen to me-"

"If that was it, why wasn't it there?" Dean was starting to relax against him, pressing into his touch.

Sam thought for a moment, his fingers tracing patterns on his skin. He chewed at his lip, pressing his forehead against Deans. "I don't know."

Dean started to pull away, but Sams grip wouldn't allow it. "Of course," He smiled, sadly. He laughed like it was funny. "Of course you don't know."

"It was sin." Sam whispered to himself. "It... it was sin. Your memory with me was innocent. We hadn't gotten together yet but mine... all of mine are romantic." Sam stared down at him. "My heaven didn't have you because I've always thought of you in that way." 

"So?" 

"Dean, I've been in love with you since I was like twelve. That's sinful because you're my brother." Sam pulled Dean closer. "That's why. None of my memories from hunts or going out to dinner is there because I was in love with you." 

Dean smirked to himself. It was easy to see he was pushing all the anger and self doubt away. Sam could see it. "Explains why my greatest hits weren't all under the sheets-"

"Don't cheapen the moment, Dean." Sam sighed, kissing his jaw. "I... I love you." 

"I know." Dean whispered, finally relaxing in Sams arms. "I love you, too. You know that."

"You done being mad?" Sam asked, laying back against the bed. He slid his hand down Deans back, his hands ghosting over his ass. "Or are you going to yell again?" 

"Shut up." Dean smiled, leaning down and kissing him. "You know... it's funny that all of yours are sinful-"

Sam made a face. "Not that kind of sinful. Sinful as in I shouldn't love you sinful."

"But that time in the cabin-" Dean leaned down and kissed him again. "That was very, very sinful." 

"Can't you keep it in your pants for five minutes?" Sam rolled them over, pinning Deans hands above his head. "Or is sex all you think about?"

"I mean, it's kinda hard to avoid thinking about it when you're you-"

"Christ.." Sam laughed, leaning down and kissing Dean. "You're relentless." He kissed him again, smiling against Deans lips. "You still wanna go shower?" 

"Mhm." Dean hummed, wrapping a leg around Sams hips. "But after we make a few more memories, yeah?" 

Sams eyes trailed over Dean before nodding. "Sounds good."


End file.
